Tag Archives: Worry

Watching My Pregnancy Go From Care-Free To High Risk In One Day.

12 Sep

On Tuesday, September 10th, my “Birth Plan” and any hopes of having a completely natural labor and delivery went out the window. I had been so confident and actually looking forward to an awesome birth experience. Suddenly, In one day, it was taken away and replaced with fear, confusion, and near panic. Not to mention a deep sadness. 

In my last update post, I mentioned some itching I’ve been having on my hands and feet. I told my doctor and she told me there are two kinds of itching in pregnancy: The tummy itch, with or without rash, and itching from Cholestasis. As she was explaining Cholestasis to me, she wasn’t speaking in a way that was “it might be”, she was basically telling me I have it. She ordered blood tests to check my bile acid levels, and ordered to see me every week for NST (non-stress test) for baby. That told me this wasn’t a guessing game, no “maybe”. She didn’t go too into detail, I assume on purpose. I know she wouldn’t want to scare me. She told me it isn’t THAT bad, but it is serious and potentially dangerous. I was calm, because she was calm. I always loved my doctor because she always eased my worried mind. 

I was trying to stay positive while leaving the office, and didn’t really feel too scared. But, I hadn’t really thought about reality yet either. When I got home I started my researching. I didn’t want to read the WebMD sort of thing that is always the worst case scenario. But I quickly found that every site, every article, every testimony, wasn’t far off from each other. No one was playing this down. Everything I read on Cholestasis stated it is a serious condition. 

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What is Cholestasis? In short, the flow of bile (a digestive fluid in the liver), slows or stops, bile builds up and goes about the blood stream, which causes the itching. Blah blah blah. That isn’t the part I’m worried about. Here’s the serious part: The bile salt build up can be VERY dangerous for your unborn baby. My doctor only mentioned it could clog the placenta. But everything I’ve read has scarier things to say. Preterm labor, fetal distress, meconium in the amniotic fluid, and stillbirth. I was fear stricken.

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Treatment for Cholestosis? Consistent fetal monitoring, blood tests to check levels (both at least once a week), perhaps some vitamin K in case of blood clotting issues which can cause severe bleeding after delivery (but is rare), a lot of people are given “Urso” to help the itching and bile flow. Some say it works, others disagree.  But the only cure for Cholestasis is giving birth. Here’s the crazy part: After giving birth, usually, neither you, nor your baby are affected by it. Most women say they felt better very quickly after birth. 

The part that bothers me (ugh..where to start), is that up until now, I thought I was healthy, that my baby was healthy and that my pregnancy was normal and that I would have a great birth experience because I had no complications. But in a day, I went from having a normal, happy pregnancy, to considered high risk. 

In the situation of Cholestasis, induction is usually the answer, unless you go into labor before hand. From what I’ve read, they don’t want you going past 37 weeks because after that point the chance of stillbirth jumps significantly. A lot of women had levels so bad, they’ve been induced at 30, 31 weeks. Obvious induction was very far from my birth plan. But honestly, when I found out the risks of having my baby in there, I couldn’t care less about my birth plan. My main focus is her well being. If that means induction or C-section (God forbid), so be it. The sad part is, after having Cholestasis, you’re at least 70% likely to have it during future pregnancies. Which means, my chances of ever having the natural home birth I dream of, are slim to none.

I haven’t gotten the results back from my blood test yet, so I don’t know how bad it is, or was at that time at least. The thing is, it’s completely unpredictable. Your levels can go from moderate to sky high within an hour. My itching has gotten worse in just a day. My heart aches for what my body is putting my baby through, not to mention this crazy itching! But it also mourns my dream of an all natural home birth. 

There is nothing I could have done to prevent this, and since I’ve never had it before, no way of knowing it was possible. There is nothing I can do now but follow my intuition, take my doctor’s advice, and do whatever is best for my growing baby. 

Have you experienced Cholestasis during pregnancy? I could use some support. 

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Worry Wort Mom.

12 Jun

With Friday being the most exciting day in quite a long time, this week seems to be dragging on purposely. I just want it to be Friday so I can see my baby once again on that screen AND see the gender. Is that not one of the most exciting parts of pregnancy!? As I wait…and wait, I feel my energy draining more and more day by day, and my mood gets worse by the minute. Of course when I have no energy Rayne has to test my limits. So, most of my week has been laying down, snapping at everyone, and handing out time-outs like free candy. Not to mention my cravings for sweets has gotten so bad, it’s hard to have an appetite for anything else. The other day I spent $8 on candy at the Dollar Tree! Needless to say, it’s gone.

I find myself being weak not only to my cravings, but also to worries that keep creeping in. Worrying is normal for pregnant women, but it’s so time-consuming and a complete waste. Even things I’ve been told are not worrisome I worry about. Maybe I should consult some of you moms?

Okay, Numero uno: Since about 14-15 weeks, I’ve had what feels like Braxton Hicks. A weird tightening and pressure around my stomach, mostly lower. I know Braxton Hicks don’t start until later in pregnancy, so is it something else? Or is this normal?

Second: When I was pregnant with Rayne, I was showing quite a bit by 19-20 weeks. This time around, You can’t tell unless you know. Not to mention my stomach is different sizes everyday! Some days I look pregnant, some days I just look like I put on weight…in the form of a muffin top >: ( My stomach isn’t even hard like it was the first time…just fat-ish. Which doesn’t help my constant fear of getting fat.

I’m hoping one of you mommies can put my mind at ease since the doctors have yet to do so. Of course, I know I could sound totally psycho. I know every pregnancy is different. But that doesn’t make me worry less. Any help for a worry wort mom?

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No Worries.

28 Feb

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How I’ve Decided to Handle Judgmental People Who Stick Their Nose Where it Doesn’t Belong.

27 Feb

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Fact of life: You will be judged and people will always have something to say about your choices and how you live your life.

Everyone encounters this in their life. Those certain people who always have two cents  ten cents to throw at you concerning your choices and your life. They treat you like some stupid child who couldn’t possibly know how to live your own life and you must hear what they have to say because their opinion in just so important. You may even be this person. If you are one of these people, I don’t know what to say to you because I cannot relate. I try very hard to avoid judging people for any reason. If it doesn’t concern me or the safety of a person, I try to keep my mouth shut and stay out of it. But, that doesn’t stop other people from prying their way into my business.

When you have to deal with a person or people like this regularly, it can be exhausting, and discouraging. You find yourself worried about what this person will think and eventually start hiding things from them to avoid hearing their lectures. How do you deal with a person like this? It’s not like you can just tell them to shut up and stay out of your business, because people with this mentality will just scold you for your backbone and accuse you of disrespect and play the “I was just trying to help” card. I have multiple people in my life who fit this exact characteristic. And I can tell you first hand, it’s very draining. I spent many years hiding who I am just to avoid being judged and made to feel bad about myself. Now that I’m older and have a child of my own to be an example for, I can no longer live my life that way. I’ve decided to be who I am and not care what anyone thinks. Easier said than done.

Even though I don’t want to pretend and hide things, I find myself doing it from time to time with certain people. Now, if these people where just random  acquaintances I wouldn’t care at all. But they happen to be family. And when you have these kind of people in your family you struggle between loving them and hating them, but you can’t get rid of them! You don’t want to hate family. But sometimes they make it so difficult to enjoy them.

For me, I was blessed with an amazing Mother who has always been supportive of me no matter how many mistakes I have made. Which is a miracle, considering her own Mother is the judgmental, nosy, critic. She’s not the only one in our family, but the one that happens to live closest.

I see on a regular basis the damage it has done to my Mom to have a Mother like her’s and I am so glad she was able to break the chain and not raise us the same way. Which in turn, relieved us of raising our children that way as well. But, we all still have to deal with my …..difficult grandmother.

I recently found out some news that will change my families life. It was a surprise, but we are positive and optimistic about it. Excited even. Really trusting God to take care of the bumps in the road so we can enjoy this blessing. I’ve learned, through a whole life of anxiety, that worry and stress does not help anything at all. In fact all it does is ruin the journey. So, I’m staying calm and positive about the situation and so is the rest of my family. However, there is a family member we haven’t told. And to be frank, I don’t want to tell. For I know when I do, it will be an ear full of lectures and glares of disappointment. Negativity, negativity, negativity. And I decided long ago I will no longer accept negative people or their poison in my life. Basically, If you can’t support me through my life, hard times and good, then I do not want you in my life. Simple as that.

It’s hard to say to someone. Especially a family member. But it has come down to that. I’m putting my family’s happiness ahead of others, as selfish as it may be. And to anyone who has anything negative to spew into our life, I say goodbye. I’ve learned how much time negativity wastes. And I never want to waste another second with it. I want to be happy with what we’re given. I want to enjoy my life, my family, the journey. And I’m not going to let other people steal it from us anymore. And that’s that!

Do you have any advice for not letting negativity and judgment get to you?

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