Tag Archives: Punk Rock Mommy Seeking Jesus

The Latest.

17 Sep

Today I had my scheduled appointment for a NST (non-stress test). Before I get to results and everything, I should mention Saturday.

So, on Saturday, baby wasn’t moving very much at all. Typically she is a VERY active baby. So much so, that I asked the doctor if it was normal for that much movement. So, when she wasn’t moving throughout the day, during kick counting, or even when I nudged her multiple times, I was very worried. Especially since Cholestasis has been in question. I decided to go to the hospital that evening and see if everything was okay. I have to admit I had a mini cry sesh in the bathroom before hand because I was so worried, but I got it together in front of everyone. 

We got to the hospital, and I didn’t want to be a burden or for the nurses to think I was being dramatic, so I just explained things and mentioned I had been tested for the Cholestasis earlier that week. They were all so nice and took me into a room where they hooked me up for a NST. As soon as they put the monitors on my belly, she started going nuts! It was like she was stomping on the monitor. I felt stupid of course, like they would think I was lying or just being dramatic. But I really wouldn’t have went in if I wasn’t genuinely concerned. She said, “It happens all the time. We prefer you come in and everything be fine, than to wait and for things to not be fine.”

She moved around the entire test. The nurse assured me everything looked great. I was having contractions the whole time. Since they were Braxton Hicks level, she said it was totally normal, especially being under stress. It was uncomfortable, but I wasn’t worried about them. They were countless. 

The on-call doctor asked for them to do an ultrasound just to double check everything was A-okay. I was excited because I had been expecting an ultrasound since I had one with Rayne around 31 weeks and my doctor hadn’t even mentioned one this time. During the ultrasound the very sweet and generous technician explained every step to me and my parents, let my mom talk to baby while watching her reaction, and even print me out pictures, even though the ultrasound wasn’t for pictures or my enjoyment, she made it very enjoyable. I even got to see her cute face practicing breathing. Everything looked perfect. I had been worried about her position, but the technician assured me she was “locked in” in head down position. In fact, she took a look at my cervix for measurement, and sure enough, baby’s head was RIGHT there, at the gate, ready to go. HUGE RELIEF.

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After the ultrasound I was taken back to the room for more NST. Contractions proceeded. But I was assured everything looked great. The nurse even told me in her 13 years of nursing in labor and delivery, she hadn’t seen a Cholestasis patient have a bad ending. I was so glad they were all so helpful and understanding. Especially since I will be delivering at that hospital, and wasn’t sure what to expect.

Today during my second NST, the contractions happened as they did the first time. In the matter of 30 minutes I had about 5-6 contractions. But baby did great. I FINALLY got the results of my blood work, and I tested negative for Cholestasis. HOWEVER, my doctor did warn me a week ago (before the test), it sometimes is too early to show up in a blood test. So, she says we will do another blood test next week, as I will be coming in weekly still for the NSTs to keep an eye on baby and my contractions. Things look good from that test, but since my symptoms are a classic fit for Cholestasis, we will be keeping an eye on it, since it does usually just get worse. I’m hoping my levels stay low so I can have the birth experience I dream of. I’m happy that things are looking good right now. And am really trying to stay positive. I’m so happy that I can trust my doctor and the awesome nurses to be proactive in this with me.

I will update again after next weeks appointment! 

Watching My Pregnancy Go From Care-Free To High Risk In One Day.

12 Sep

On Tuesday, September 10th, my “Birth Plan” and any hopes of having a completely natural labor and delivery went out the window. I had been so confident and actually looking forward to an awesome birth experience. Suddenly, In one day, it was taken away and replaced with fear, confusion, and near panic. Not to mention a deep sadness. 

In my last update post, I mentioned some itching I’ve been having on my hands and feet. I told my doctor and she told me there are two kinds of itching in pregnancy: The tummy itch, with or without rash, and itching from Cholestasis. As she was explaining Cholestasis to me, she wasn’t speaking in a way that was “it might be”, she was basically telling me I have it. She ordered blood tests to check my bile acid levels, and ordered to see me every week for NST (non-stress test) for baby. That told me this wasn’t a guessing game, no “maybe”. She didn’t go too into detail, I assume on purpose. I know she wouldn’t want to scare me. She told me it isn’t THAT bad, but it is serious and potentially dangerous. I was calm, because she was calm. I always loved my doctor because she always eased my worried mind. 

I was trying to stay positive while leaving the office, and didn’t really feel too scared. But, I hadn’t really thought about reality yet either. When I got home I started my researching. I didn’t want to read the WebMD sort of thing that is always the worst case scenario. But I quickly found that every site, every article, every testimony, wasn’t far off from each other. No one was playing this down. Everything I read on Cholestasis stated it is a serious condition. 

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What is Cholestasis? In short, the flow of bile (a digestive fluid in the liver), slows or stops, bile builds up and goes about the blood stream, which causes the itching. Blah blah blah. That isn’t the part I’m worried about. Here’s the serious part: The bile salt build up can be VERY dangerous for your unborn baby. My doctor only mentioned it could clog the placenta. But everything I’ve read has scarier things to say. Preterm labor, fetal distress, meconium in the amniotic fluid, and stillbirth. I was fear stricken.

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Treatment for Cholestosis? Consistent fetal monitoring, blood tests to check levels (both at least once a week), perhaps some vitamin K in case of blood clotting issues which can cause severe bleeding after delivery (but is rare), a lot of people are given “Urso” to help the itching and bile flow. Some say it works, others disagree.  But the only cure for Cholestasis is giving birth. Here’s the crazy part: After giving birth, usually, neither you, nor your baby are affected by it. Most women say they felt better very quickly after birth. 

The part that bothers me (ugh..where to start), is that up until now, I thought I was healthy, that my baby was healthy and that my pregnancy was normal and that I would have a great birth experience because I had no complications. But in a day, I went from having a normal, happy pregnancy, to considered high risk. 

In the situation of Cholestasis, induction is usually the answer, unless you go into labor before hand. From what I’ve read, they don’t want you going past 37 weeks because after that point the chance of stillbirth jumps significantly. A lot of women had levels so bad, they’ve been induced at 30, 31 weeks. Obvious induction was very far from my birth plan. But honestly, when I found out the risks of having my baby in there, I couldn’t care less about my birth plan. My main focus is her well being. If that means induction or C-section (God forbid), so be it. The sad part is, after having Cholestasis, you’re at least 70% likely to have it during future pregnancies. Which means, my chances of ever having the natural home birth I dream of, are slim to none.

I haven’t gotten the results back from my blood test yet, so I don’t know how bad it is, or was at that time at least. The thing is, it’s completely unpredictable. Your levels can go from moderate to sky high within an hour. My itching has gotten worse in just a day. My heart aches for what my body is putting my baby through, not to mention this crazy itching! But it also mourns my dream of an all natural home birth. 

There is nothing I could have done to prevent this, and since I’ve never had it before, no way of knowing it was possible. There is nothing I can do now but follow my intuition, take my doctor’s advice, and do whatever is best for my growing baby. 

Have you experienced Cholestasis during pregnancy? I could use some support. 

Update: 32 Weeks

10 Sep

As of Sunday, September 8th, I am officially 32 weeks. 8 months. Gettin’ down to the wire. 

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Yes, My room is a mess. Oh well.

 

Anyways…So, what’s been up? Well, let’s start with my baby shower being this past Sunday. I got tons of great stuff and I was so grateful for everyone showing up and being so generous. 

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Also, we took a poll of when everyone think’s she’ll make her arrival, the winner will be getting a prize.

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I’m hoping for Halloween. Well, after I trick or treat, but born in time to call Halloween her birthday. Her birthdays would be awesome!

Anyway, besides that I am tired, uncomfortable, slow, and stricken with new worries. One being the popular fear of baby being breech. I want to avoid a c-section at all costs. So her being in the right position would be greeeaatt, thhaannks. Newest fear: I’ve been having itching on my hands and feet for the past couple of weeks, mostly at night. I made the mistake of looking it up. Turns out it is the main, and usually only, symptom of a common late pregnancy liver disease. YIKES! It could be dangerous to you and baby. So of course I be trippin’. The other night the itching was so bad I couldn’t sleep. But thankfully the next night I had hardly any at all, THANK GOD. I see my doctor tomorrow, and will be asking her about it. I’m hoping it’s nothing serious and baby is perfectly healthy.

On a good note, I have typed up my birth plan and will be printing it out soon so go over and discuss with my doctor. I’m hoping she respects my wishes but knows I understand the possibilities of plans changing and circumstances arising. I know a lot of what I am asking does take up more of their time, which I seriously appreciate! 

Baby is moving like crazy. To the point where she is waking me up at all hours of the night. What is she doing?!?! 

Anyways, at my last appointment I had only gained one pound. So, 2 weeks ago my over all weight gain would be about 24lbs. Much better than my first pregnancy. I wanted to stop at 20lbs, but hey, my bod is always wanting to be thick and lushes. What can I do? 

Over all update: Things are fine. I’m fat and uncomfortable but extremely excited to see and hold my new baby girl.

How’s big sister, you ask?

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Practicing. She’s just about as excited as I am. 🙂

 

Long Time, No Post. Update.

1 Aug

Yikes. I haven’t posted anything in quite some time. Mostly due to not having a laptop/desktop to use. Anywho….First things first:

PREGNANCY UPDATE:
Week: 26 and 3 days.
– Growing Belly, Growing Baby, Crazy Nesting, Restless Leg Syndrom, Lot of movement.
How am I doing on my “staying healthy” business? So-So. I do yoga every morning, and take a walk every evening. Although, my walks have become shorter because of this annoying pain I get in my belly while walking now. But, I’m still staying active, and that’s the point. Eating wise….not doing so great. Yeah, I try to stick to healthier choices, but recently I seem to be bouncing between having no appetite and having an appetite for something I shouldn’t be eating.

Now, mentally how am I holding up? Good…I think. I’m excited for my little bundle of joy to join us. But, I also can’t believe how fast this pregnancy seems to be going by. This Sunday I will be 7 months. Entering my third trimester. Already!? It’s crazy to think I just have a few months left, and I know they will fly by. But, I’m also jumping out of my skin to meet this little girl and hold her in my arms.

Relationship Update: Still single, and happy. Although my friendship with this baby’s father has faded, and we hardly talk (and when we do, it’s uncomfortable), I don’t feel like ending the relationship was the wrong thing to do. I feel much better, less stressed, without it weighing on me. Yes, he will be at the birth (at least that’s the plan), and I’m sure he’ll be around quite a bit once she’s born.

Oh, Yeah…..I forgot to mention….It’s a GIRL!!! 🙂

This mama is happy, healthy, and doing just fine. I hope to post more often!

Why I’ve been neglecting my blogger duties for far too long.

27 Apr

Wow. I haven’t posted a single word since….I don’t even remember. Too long, that’s for sure. I love blogging, writing, and connecting with other people. But the past few months have been rough. Rough enough to keep me from my duties as a blogger. I don’t know if anyone noticed my absence, or even cared. But if someone did, perhaps you’re wondering why. Well, I think I have a decent excuse.

Tomorrow (Sunday, April 28th), I will be entering into 13 weeks/second trimester of my second pregnancy. *GASP* – I’m sure any family members reading who didn’t know will express one of those.

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There are multiple reasons why this has caused me to shut the world and my hobbies out. First: I didn’t want to  tell people until now. Second: I’ve had terrible nausea that started at 6 weeks, and is just now letting up. And third, the worst: Since I’ve become pregnant, I’ve been depressed. I don’t know why, but it’s happening. So, the idea of writing daily stopped interesting me. Everything stopped interesting me.

I thought the nausea was the worst part of this very big surprise of a pregnancy, but I’ve come to realize how much damage the depression really is doing. It’s not only stealing my joy, but it’s also taking a very heavy toll on my relationship. Of course the constant nausea and racing to the bathroom for a barf session did make things very difficult. Things like eating, cleaning, cooking, sleeping, smelling anything….everything. But now that it’s pretty much narrowed down to smells that nauseate me, I’m really seeing how unhappy I am, NOT due to nausea.

Depression is not an easy thing to tackle. I would know. I’ve suffered from depression on and off throughout my entire life, or as far back as I can remember. It hit me very hard after giving birth to Rayne. But after 8 months, I pulled myself out of it. Now that I’m pregnant and depressed, it seems even harder to snap out of it. I feel guilty that I’ve wasted 13 weeks of pregnancy not being happy. I feel bad that I don’t really feel bad about punishing my very supportive dream boyfriend for nothing at all. I can’t help but push him away almost completely. Not that I want to, but for some reason, I just can’t stand him so far in this pregnancy. I’m irritable everyday. I’ve been letting the depression take over. Take over my moods, my eating habits, my attitudes, etc. It’s like I’m a very bad version of myself and I can’t get back to my real self.

Since I’ve been aware I’ve spoken to my doctor about it. And as I do not plan on taking any medication for depression, I have a plan to help decrease it. Starting with taking control of myself and my decisions.

  1. Prenatal Yoga. I’ve read a lot about prenatal yoga and have been interested in it for a long time. I asked my doctor and she thinks it’s a great idea. Not only for my physical health and preparing for labor, but also my mental health.
  2. Eating Right. I’m only 13 weeks, but I have allowed myself to gain 7 lbs! That is too much for this early in pregnancy. I really didn’t want to let myself gain too much weight like I did with Rayne. So this has made me very disappointed in myself. But, I have decided to turn it around while I still have time. And so far I’m doing great.
  3. Get back to being active. I use to be fairly active. I mean, I wasn’t out rock climbing or anything, but I love to walk a lot and be outside with my daughter. In fact, I lost all my left over pregnancy weight (32 lbs) just walking. No crazy work outs, just walking at least an hour a day. Since I’ve been pregnant and depressed, I’ve had no energy. But, I’m started to force myself to get out, and do what I need to do for my body.

I really think focusing on my body and my health will help me get back on track. Not only will it benefit my and my baby’s health, but it will also help get me out of this nasty rut. I’ve spent too  much time feeling awful, and focusing on my health and doing what I use to love will only point me in the right direction. I’m already having more energy and feeling happier. I even planted flowers today! Anyways…I apologize for being M.I.A. and leaving my blog in the dust. It is important to me and writing is kind of “my thing“. Getting back into it makes me feel a lot better and I hope to have the strength to continue.

And expect to hear a lot about this pregnancy. Because, despite my depression, motherhood is also “my thing“, and I’ll be talking a lot about it.

Daily Bread.

12 Mar

All this is for your benefit, so that the grace that is reaching more and more people may cause thanksgiving to overflow to the glory of God.  Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day.  2 Corinthians 4:15-16

Daily Bread.

10 Mar

He replied, “Because you have so little faith. I tell you the truth, if you have faith as small as a mustard seed, you can say to this mountain, ‘Move from here to there’ and it will move. Nothing will be impossible for you. ”  Matthew 17:20

Daily Bread.

8 Mar

But those who hope in the LORD will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint.  Isaiah 40:31

Daily Bread.

6 Mar

Cast your cares on the LORD and he will sustain you; he will never let the righteous fall.  Psalm 55:22

Daily Bread.

4 Mar

Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid.  John 14:27

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