Tag Archives: Motherhood

19 Weeks And Counting.

10 Jun

Finally getting closer to the half way mark! As time goes on (quickly), I’m getting less stressed and more excited. I’ve received all 19 cloth diapers plus accessories. Suddenly, it’s all feeling ….real. As if the random nudges from inside weren’t real enough. Even with the constant shift between high and low making my head spin, my baby excitement is so far steady. Which is good, because nothing else is going very well right now.

That shaky relationship I’ve mentioned, has since fallen over the edge and is currently on hardly speaking terms. As upsetting as that may seem, that’s how it has to be right now. Besides, I have plenty to keep me busy with my have-to-be-making-noise-and-doing-something-dangerous-at-all-times toddler. With a ton of relationship crap off of my shoulders, I have more space in my mind to deal with myself, baby stuff, and Rayne. Even though that’s still a bit to carry around at the moment, it’s still much better without added on stress.

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All I want/need to do right now is focus on my girl, my baby and myself. Does that sound selfish? Because it doesn’t feel selfish.

My Main Current Goals:

  • Find some sort of online work I’m able to do to bring in extra cash.
  • Stay healthy and active.
  • Spend special time with my number one while I can.

Other than that, I don’t see anything else I’d rather focus on. BTW, So excited for the gender reveal this Friday!!!!

Fighting My Fear Of Pregnancy Weight Gain.

25 May

Gaining weight is a natural part of being pregnant. You don’t even really have to try at all, you WILL gain weight. I wish someone had told me that during my first pregnancy. But, instead, I ate whatever I wanted in large amounts. Yes, I could eat two sausage egg and cheese McMuffins and still want more. Yes, I would eat two bacon cheese burgers in one sitting. I ate whatever, whenever. And gained 55 pounds. After I gave birth, I realized how much unnecessary weight I had gained. It was terrible. I felt so ugly and gross and it was not falling off. I got stuck at 162 pounds. My pre-pregnancy weight was 130. I was 32 pounds over my original weight, and where I wanted to be. But feeling gross wasn’t enough to kick my ass into gear. For the first 7 months, I drank soda and energy drinks everyday, ate anything I wanted, including one or two delicious chicken chimichangas a day. Finally, one day, something woke me up. And I decided to take control of my health and stop feeling sorry for myself for being gross.

I worked really hard at counting calories and making better choices. I forced myself to be way more active than before. I was walking up to 3-4 hours a day, plus off and on workouts in the house. After dropping 15 pounds I stopped counting calories and just kept up with being active and being mindful of what I eat. I started in June of 2011 and by that winter I was 30 pounds lighter. The stubborn 2 pounds stuck on for some extra months, but I shook them off eventually. I was so relieved to be healthy again. I felt so good that I set my mind to it, and got it done.

Now, I have to gain weight, and the pounds are not hesitating to jump on. Even though I know it’s part of pregnancy, I’m having a hard time accepting it. As I put on pound after pound (up 9 lbs now), I’m not feeling like a healthy pregnant woman, I’m feeling fat and gross. It’s stressing me out that I have to gain weight. I know I shouldn’t worry about it and just be healthy, and I am trying to be healthy and active, but I’m still so afraid of gaining too much again. I already feel overweight and insecure. I keep hoping that once my belly is more apparent I wont feel so bad about it, but I’m not really sure if I will ease up on myself.

How can I fight these fears? I’m being healthy but it doesn’t seem like enough. Even though I only put on 2 pounds in a month (healthy), It makes me cringe. Is there any get over this? I can’t be the only crazy woman feeling this way, right?

Bad Checkup Turned Great.

25 May

Yesterday was my 16 week check up with my doctor. I got a call that morning that she would not be in and I had a choice whether to reschedule or see another doctor that was in. I didn’t want to wait and I had questions so I agreed to see another doctor. I was a little nervous because I hadn’t seen another doctor before. But I was eager to have my questions answered.

We got to the office and were invited back fairly quickly. The nurse was a woman I had never met before and she seemed shy and uneasy, which didn’t help me feel more comfortable. I was happy to find I had only gained 2 pounds since my last appointment. My weight gain is slowing down, which is good. She took us to the very last room, where we waited….and waited. We had both Rayne and the BD’s son with us. A two year old and a one year old. We must look like we can’t control ourselves. While we waited, little Izaak (BD’s son) had a poopy accident to which I was informed BD forgot diapers. So we all sat in there with the stink, waiting. The kids were getting antsy so he decided to take them out to the play area to keep them busy. I was relieved because the craziness was stressing me out. While they were gone the awkward nurse came back with a basket of tubes. I knew that meant I was getting blood drawn. I wasn’t informed before hand at all, and she just walked in and was going to just get it done. In surprise, I explained that I am really bad at getting my blood drawn. I panic, and nearly faint. After that she left the room. About a minute later BD walks in with the kids and I sighed with relief. I needed their support and distraction if I was getting blood drawn. Then, another nurse walks in to draw my blood (I suppose the quiet one didn’t think she could handle the job with a near fainter). I was glad the new nurse came in because she had done it the time before and it wasn’t bad at all. While I laid back and tried to steady my breathing, Rayne came over to my side and stretched in for a kiss to calm her mommy, while BD held my hand. There was the first pinch, then soon it was over. I was a little light headed, but nowhere near how bad I’ve gotten before. Perhaps I’m getting better at it? The trainee who was shadowing the nurse brought me a water and some stickers for the kids.

After I regained my stability, we continued to wait…and wait. We probably waited an hour after that for the doctor. She finally walked in and was very open and kind. She brought in papers from a previous test and showed me while explaining everything to me. She explained that, basically, our baby looks very healthy and all the tests are coming back perfect, as good as it can be. I was very glad and surprised that she took the time to explain everything to me without me asking. It made me feel a lot better. My doctor, although I love her, probably just would’ve said, “They were all normal”, instead of going into detail. So, I feel like maybe I was meant to see this certain doctor at my height of worrying. She eased my stress and made me feel a lot better. I asked her my questions and she assured me everything is normal. We then got to listen to the baby’s heartbeat. I looked at Rayne and said, “There it is! The heartbeat.”, she smiled and was surprised she could her it so loudly.

After She was finished she advised me to invest in some maternity pants, because my skinny jeans had left a mark on my belly. I agree. I thanked the doctor and we went out to schedule our next appointment along with the ultrasound to learn the gender! I’m very excited for June 14th. Over all the appointment went well and really helped ease my worried mind, even though we had to wait forever. 🙂

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Motherhood.

23 May

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How Do I Go From SAHM To WAHM?

21 May

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Ever since I was thrown into motherhood, I’ve loved being a SAHM (stay at home mom). I loving being at home with my daughter (soon to be adding another), and I can’t imagine leaving everyday to work. Downfall: being broke. I’m really interested in working from home, but have no idea how to go about it. I don’t have too much experience in anything. All I know is, I love to write, and I love being a SAHM. But, I’d like to change that to a WAHM (work at home mom). I’ve scoured the internet for legitimate online jobs. I haven’t come across many, or any I would qualify for.

Would I like to be a paid blogger? YES. Is that as easy as it sounds? NO. Just because I love to write/blog, doesn’t mean people like or read what I write. Being liked is pretty much the golden ticket to success in anything. I’ve looked at blogging opportunities online that would be great, but I’m not qualified to be a technology blogger or food blogger. I’m a mom, I don’t go to fancy restaurants and take pictures of food. I’m tired, cooking, cleaning, time-outing, butt wiping, pregnant, opinionated, penny pinching, deep breath taking, writing my every thought and feeling qualified. Can I make a job out of that?

Penny Pinching Mommy.

21 May

One of the best things about having another child, is knowing what NOT to waste money on. It’s so much less stress. And it really is amazing how simple it can be, but of course society has planted so many products in our brains we think our babies need every knick-knack and matching set of everything possible, oh, and don’t forget those $30 shoes they’ll wear for a month and they can’t even walk. I’m so glad I have the knowledge now not to get crazy on all the baby junk. I have a very short list (much shorter than my first pregnancy) of needed items and a lot I can get used from friends and family. Let me tell you: It is AWESOME having friends with kids around the same age. You can just pass stuff back and forth. A friend has actually given me a carseat and a swing! Saves me a bunch of cash-money right there.

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I LOVE a good deal and buying used. Is that weird? Maybe, but I think it’s more smart than weird. Craigslist is a must. And never neglect those hidden-in-a-corner baby resale shops. They may not be a big name retail store, but they have great stuff and will save you more than you think.. PLUS, a lot of them will take your used baby stuff for credit or cash! My plan with this baby: Stick to used and stick to the short list. I saved only a small amount of money for the baby budget ($600). People without children might say, “$600 should be more than enough! How expensive can baby stuff be?” Lets just say, when I had Rayne, I had saved $1000 AFTER buying all the baby stuff, and it only lasted 3 months. I learned my leason. And having a lot less money, I’m going to be very careful and smart.

My only problem is not knowing too many used baby and maternity stores/websites. Any suggestions?

16 Weeks And Counting.

19 May

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Sunday, the 18th, I will be entering my 16th week of this pregnancy. This pregnancy has had some major downs, and few ups. But I’m finally starting to feel a difference. As my nausea is reduced to a few certain unmentionable foods, and my rocky relationship is on the mend (well, trying to), I feel a lightness come over me and my cloud of depression ease.

I’ve really been sticking to being much healthier and staying active. I walk an hour a day for at least 5-6 days a week. I do take a day out of the week to be a little loose on the rules (last night I had a Carl’s Jr. Star Burger and 3/4 of a Six Dollar Burger. No regrets). My relationship has been a huge source of stress lately. We’re taking the steps we need to work on our issues, and although it is hard and I mostly want to strangle him, It eases my mind to know we both love each other enough to work it out.

The weeks seem to fly by and before I know it this baby is as big as an avocado (or whatever fruit or vegetable). In a few weeks we’ll be able to learn the gender, Which is very exciting *anyone wanna take bets?*. And Rayne is VERY excited to be a big sister.

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Anyways, my point is, there were many times I thought it wasn’t going to get easier, but I was wrong. And I hope things continue to get better so I can enjoy this pregnancy and send tons of love to my growing baby.

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