Tag Archives: Motherhood
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Motherhood.

23 May

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How Do I Go From SAHM To WAHM?

21 May

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Ever since I was thrown into motherhood, I’ve loved being a SAHM (stay at home mom). I loving being at home with my daughter (soon to be adding another), and I can’t imagine leaving everyday to work. Downfall: being broke. I’m really interested in working from home, but have no idea how to go about it. I don’t have too much experience in anything. All I know is, I love to write, and I love being a SAHM. But, I’d like to change that to a WAHM (work at home mom). I’ve scoured the internet for legitimate online jobs. I haven’t come across many, or any I would qualify for.

Would I like to be a paid blogger? YES. Is that as easy as it sounds? NO. Just because I love to write/blog, doesn’t mean people like or read what I write. Being liked is pretty much the golden ticket to success in anything. I’ve looked at blogging opportunities online that would be great, but I’m not qualified to be a technology blogger or food blogger. I’m a mom, I don’t go to fancy restaurants and take pictures of food. I’m tired, cooking, cleaning, time-outing, butt wiping, pregnant, opinionated, penny pinching, deep breath taking, writing my every thought and feeling qualified. Can I make a job out of that?

Penny Pinching Mommy.

21 May

One of the best things about having another child, is knowing what NOT to waste money on. It’s so much less stress. And it really is amazing how simple it can be, but of course society has planted so many products in our brains we think our babies need every knick-knack and matching set of everything possible, oh, and don’t forget those $30 shoes they’ll wear for a month and they can’t even walk. I’m so glad I have the knowledge now not to get crazy on all the baby junk. I have a very short list (much shorter than my first pregnancy) of needed items and a lot I can get used from friends and family. Let me tell you: It is AWESOME having friends with kids around the same age. You can just pass stuff back and forth. A friend has actually given me a carseat and a swing! Saves me a bunch of cash-money right there.

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I LOVE a good deal and buying used. Is that weird? Maybe, but I think it’s more smart than weird. Craigslist is a must. And never neglect those hidden-in-a-corner baby resale shops. They may not be a big name retail store, but they have great stuff and will save you more than you think.. PLUS, a lot of them will take your used baby stuff for credit or cash! My plan with this baby: Stick to used and stick to the short list. I saved only a small amount of money for the baby budget ($600). People without children might say, “$600 should be more than enough! How expensive can baby stuff be?” Lets just say, when I had Rayne, I had saved $1000 AFTER buying all the baby stuff, and it only lasted 3 months. I learned my leason. And having a lot less money, I’m going to be very careful and smart.

My only problem is not knowing too many used baby and maternity stores/websites. Any suggestions?

16 Weeks And Counting.

19 May

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Sunday, the 18th, I will be entering my 16th week of this pregnancy. This pregnancy has had some major downs, and few ups. But I’m finally starting to feel a difference. As my nausea is reduced to a few certain unmentionable foods, and my rocky relationship is on the mend (well, trying to), I feel a lightness come over me and my cloud of depression ease.

I’ve really been sticking to being much healthier and staying active. I walk an hour a day for at least 5-6 days a week. I do take a day out of the week to be a little loose on the rules (last night I had a Carl’s Jr. Star Burger and 3/4 of a Six Dollar Burger. No regrets). My relationship has been a huge source of stress lately. We’re taking the steps we need to work on our issues, and although it is hard and I mostly want to strangle him, It eases my mind to know we both love each other enough to work it out.

The weeks seem to fly by and before I know it this baby is as big as an avocado (or whatever fruit or vegetable). In a few weeks we’ll be able to learn the gender, Which is very exciting *anyone wanna take bets?*. And Rayne is VERY excited to be a big sister.

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Anyways, my point is, there were many times I thought it wasn’t going to get easier, but I was wrong. And I hope things continue to get better so I can enjoy this pregnancy and send tons of love to my growing baby.

I Think I Jinxed Myself.

11 May

In my last post, I complained about all the stress and fears forcing their way upon me. I was really hoping it would get better from there on out. But, not as a surprise to myself, things managed to get worse. As I struggle daily to reject the ever looming depression, and try to stay awake, I seem to have lost all control over my relationship. And in turn, lost the relationship all together. Break ups are hard enough. But breaking up while you’re pregnant is slightly worse.

I’m typically not the type to be all about relationships. I’m one of those people who are better alone and can’t seem to function correctly in a relationship. In fact, it took me three years to decide to be in an official relationship with my best friend and the man I love dearly. But, loving someone and having the guts to go for it, isn’t enough. Since I’ve been pregnant, a wedge has planted itself between us and has only gotten wider and stronger. Unfortunately, it suddenly came to a head. Mistakes were made, nasty words were said, and now we sit on opposite sides of the fence. Of course my hormones had me crying a lot (I’m usually  not a crier). Apologies were said, some things were straightened out, but the end result remains the same.

There are several things that bother me about this separation. One, obviously not being able to have a good relationship with someone I once called my best friend, is not fun. Two, here I am, single and pregnant, AGAIN. Wont my family be so proud. And three, what feels the worst, my daughter who has bonded so well with him, will be wondering where he is and missing him like crazy. My daughter’s biological father is hardly in her life at all. His extent of being a father is paying child support (which I do appreciate), but that’s as far as it goes. The other day, Rayne told me she doesn’t like her dad, because he doesn’t hug or kiss her, he doesn’t play with her or tell her he loves her. I’m not sure if these things are true, but she feels that they are. Rayne’s only chance to see him is once a week when his mom picks her up for their weekend weekly girl’s sleep over. I don’t know how often he is there or what goes on. But I know she isn’t happy with him, but she is happy with the one who’s been there to play with her and enjoy her company. It kills me that she has to suffer because of us. Although he would like to stay in her life and has always been willing to play the dad part for her, I know she wont be seeing much of him due to our issues.

We both love each other very much. And we’re both hoping to work on ourselves and maybe rebuild our friendship. And hopefully in result, be able to be together and handle a relationship someday. Thing is, someday doesn’t help take away what we’re all feeling right now. I was finally feeling like the depression was getting lighter before this, but again, it has set in. I see the fears and the stress and the struggles, taking over my thoughts and not allowing me to enjoy my pregnancy or my toddler.

Any advise for a pregnant mommy with the relationship blues?

Will it get better?

8 May

At 14 and a half weeks pregnant with baby number two, of course I’m carrying quite a bit of fears. I know things are going to get a lot more difficult when the new baby comes. Having a toddler is hard enough, but having a toddler and a baby is going to be exhausting. I don’t like thinking about the stress of the future. But it’s been hitting me harder lately, mostly due to the fact that my first bundle of joy is a little less joyous. My sweet almost 3-year-old has been a fit throwing, screaming, whining, bossy, energizer bunny. Not to mention the pressure of a rocky relationship. Draining me of the very little energy I have left.

I’m not sure how I’m going to handle it all. I’m already so tired and hardly have the patience to deal with everything that’s happening now. The stress keeps building and it’s only getting harder to manage. I’m keeping healthy, and plan on keeping up with staying active and doing yoga. But it hasn’t taken the stress away. I’m really worrying that it’s going to be even harder than I expected in the first place. I can see it now: A new baby in my arms, a screaming toddler at my feet, and the dark circles under my eyes.

How am I going to pull this off?

Everything Is Worth It.

2 May
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13 1/2 weeks

As I struggle to keep healthy and fight depression, I looked up at the screen with the warm gel on my growing belly, and I can’t help but feel joy for the tiny life inside me. The fluttering heart, those tiny hands resting over those eyes, the squirming legs kicking to get away from the ultrasound tech, who was pressing on and shaking my belly to get a good view. It was all those little things that make pregnancy so exciting. Seeing what’s going on in there, helps distract me from the stress and fear. That little nose. That’s what makes it all worth it. Everything is worth it.

My secret (now not so secret) fears of having a second baby..

28 Apr

As I enter into my second trimester and my womb cradles a tangerine sized baby (or so they say), I find myself just as anxious as ever. I’ve always been a nervous, anxious person. For instance, I almost go into panic attack mode before every doctor visit. I know what to expect, I know afterward everything will be just fine and we’ll walk out feeling normal. But that doesn’t stop me from getting all worked up and needing to take deep calming not so calming breaths. My palms get sweaty, my heart races, my stomach churns, and I almost die. At least that’s what it feels like. I thought I wouldn’t have this problem since I’ve been through it all before. And I have the support of my boyfriend/the father, unlike my pregnancy with Rayne. That should be enough to calm me. But no. I still dread sitting on that bed, getting poked with needles and worrying about whether or not all the tests will come back normal. I’m hoping the yoga will help with me having a mini heart attack every appointment.

But there are fears I don’t think the yoga will be able to help with. Having a second child opens up a whole new can of worms, at least for me. When I was having Rayne, I don’t remember being very scared. After she was born I struggled with depression and the demands of being a single parent with a new baby. But this time is different. After having my first and being so in love with her, is it really possible to love another just the same? Am I going to unintentionally favor my number one? I hate to feel this way. I always imagined parents loving their children equally. But now that I’m facing having another, it’s hard to imagine being capable of doubling what I already feel for Rayne. I know, I know. “I comes natural”. But what if it doesn’t? I’m terrified that I wont be able to love both children equally.

And on the contrary, what if I get so in love with the new baby, I forget to make time for my number one? I hate to think Rayne will feel left out when the new baby comes. I want her to be a part of everything. She’s my BFF, my number one girl. She has to know how important she is to me and our family. How will I balance it all?

What if I wont be able to handle a baby, a 3 year old and a relationship…and somehow muster up some time for myself?!?! It all sounds so  difficult and impossible. I hardly get to shower alone as it is. What if I get so overwhelmed I completely lose myself and look a hot mess. I can see it now…..pajamas and stretchy pants everyday, dirty/messy hair, tired eyes, dry, bad skin, baby weight hanging on for dear life…..a nightmare. I lost myself for awhile after having Rayne, and I really don’t want to go back to that. Can I handle this?

I don’t know if these fears are normal or not. All I know is, they cross my mind everyday. How can I reassure myself when I really don’t know what to expect with a second baby? At first I felt calm because I know what mistakes not to make this time. But these fears I have no experience with. And I feel like they’re justified. This is going to be very hard. As much as I like to pretend and wish, I’m not super mom. I get tired. I lose patience. I’m always exhausted. Can I really do this?

Why I’ve been neglecting my blogger duties for far too long.

27 Apr

Wow. I haven’t posted a single word since….I don’t even remember. Too long, that’s for sure. I love blogging, writing, and connecting with other people. But the past few months have been rough. Rough enough to keep me from my duties as a blogger. I don’t know if anyone noticed my absence, or even cared. But if someone did, perhaps you’re wondering why. Well, I think I have a decent excuse.

Tomorrow (Sunday, April 28th), I will be entering into 13 weeks/second trimester of my second pregnancy. *GASP* – I’m sure any family members reading who didn’t know will express one of those.

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There are multiple reasons why this has caused me to shut the world and my hobbies out. First: I didn’t want to  tell people until now. Second: I’ve had terrible nausea that started at 6 weeks, and is just now letting up. And third, the worst: Since I’ve become pregnant, I’ve been depressed. I don’t know why, but it’s happening. So, the idea of writing daily stopped interesting me. Everything stopped interesting me.

I thought the nausea was the worst part of this very big surprise of a pregnancy, but I’ve come to realize how much damage the depression really is doing. It’s not only stealing my joy, but it’s also taking a very heavy toll on my relationship. Of course the constant nausea and racing to the bathroom for a barf session did make things very difficult. Things like eating, cleaning, cooking, sleeping, smelling anything….everything. But now that it’s pretty much narrowed down to smells that nauseate me, I’m really seeing how unhappy I am, NOT due to nausea.

Depression is not an easy thing to tackle. I would know. I’ve suffered from depression on and off throughout my entire life, or as far back as I can remember. It hit me very hard after giving birth to Rayne. But after 8 months, I pulled myself out of it. Now that I’m pregnant and depressed, it seems even harder to snap out of it. I feel guilty that I’ve wasted 13 weeks of pregnancy not being happy. I feel bad that I don’t really feel bad about punishing my very supportive dream boyfriend for nothing at all. I can’t help but push him away almost completely. Not that I want to, but for some reason, I just can’t stand him so far in this pregnancy. I’m irritable everyday. I’ve been letting the depression take over. Take over my moods, my eating habits, my attitudes, etc. It’s like I’m a very bad version of myself and I can’t get back to my real self.

Since I’ve been aware I’ve spoken to my doctor about it. And as I do not plan on taking any medication for depression, I have a plan to help decrease it. Starting with taking control of myself and my decisions.

  1. Prenatal Yoga. I’ve read a lot about prenatal yoga and have been interested in it for a long time. I asked my doctor and she thinks it’s a great idea. Not only for my physical health and preparing for labor, but also my mental health.
  2. Eating Right. I’m only 13 weeks, but I have allowed myself to gain 7 lbs! That is too much for this early in pregnancy. I really didn’t want to let myself gain too much weight like I did with Rayne. So this has made me very disappointed in myself. But, I have decided to turn it around while I still have time. And so far I’m doing great.
  3. Get back to being active. I use to be fairly active. I mean, I wasn’t out rock climbing or anything, but I love to walk a lot and be outside with my daughter. In fact, I lost all my left over pregnancy weight (32 lbs) just walking. No crazy work outs, just walking at least an hour a day. Since I’ve been pregnant and depressed, I’ve had no energy. But, I’m started to force myself to get out, and do what I need to do for my body.

I really think focusing on my body and my health will help me get back on track. Not only will it benefit my and my baby’s health, but it will also help get me out of this nasty rut. I’ve spent too  much time feeling awful, and focusing on my health and doing what I use to love will only point me in the right direction. I’m already having more energy and feeling happier. I even planted flowers today! Anyways…I apologize for being M.I.A. and leaving my blog in the dust. It is important to me and writing is kind of “my thing“. Getting back into it makes me feel a lot better and I hope to have the strength to continue.

And expect to hear a lot about this pregnancy. Because, despite my depression, motherhood is also “my thing“, and I’ll be talking a lot about it.

To Vaccinate Or To Not Vaccinate, That Is The Question.

6 Mar

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As a new mother with no idea of what I was doing, when I had Rayne, I just listened to the doctors and got her shots whenever they said she needed them and whatever they said she needed. I had never had a baby before, I didn’t know anything about shots, I had always gotten my shots,  I didn’t know any other way. Now that I’m almost 3 years into motherhood, and always trying to learn more about the options I have as her mother, I wonder if I did the right thing, even though I didn’t know there was any option. There seems to be a real war between parties concerning whether or not vaccinations are necessary and/or healthy. And since I’m no doctor or in the know with all the information, I’ve gotten caught up in the whirlwind, not knowing which end is up.

My question is, what’s the truth?

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They say vaccinations can actually make things worse. Charges against them include:  SIDS, Autism, Multiple Sclerosis, Diabetes, and other disorders linked to vaccinations. They say the diseases these shots are for, are out of the picture. But is that because we vaccinate? Pro-Vaccination sites suggest there is no evidence to back up these accusations. They also say children are much safer getting vaccinated, than not. But are they being honest?

Here are some quotes from each side:

ANTI-VACCINATION

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“Fifty years ago, when the immunization schedule contained only four vaccines (for diphtheria, tetanus, pertussis, and smallpox), autism was virtually unknown… Today, one in every 68 American families has an autistic child… Four million American children have Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder. One in six American children are now classified as ‘Learning Disabled.’

Our children are also experiencing an epidemic of autoimmune disorders – Type I diabetes, rheumatoid arthritis, asthma, and bowel disorders…

There is a growing body of evidence that implicates vaccines as a causative factor in the deteriorating health of children. The hypothesis that vaccines cause neurologic and immune system disorders is a legitimate one – vaccines given in multiple doses, close together, to very young children following the CDC’s Immunization Schedule. This hypothesis should be tested by a large-scale, long-term randomized controlled trial…

New knowledge in neuroimmunology (the study of how the brain’s immune system works) raises serious questions about the wisdom of injecting vaccines in children less than two years of age…

Parents should have the freedom to select whatever vaccination schedule they want their children to follow, especially since health care providers and the government (except via its Vaccine Injury Compensation Program) cannot be held accountable for any adverse outcomes that might occur.”

Dec. 10, 2004 – Donald W. Miller, Jr., MD 

PRO-VACCINATION

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“Vaccines save lives and protect against the spread of disease. If you decide not to immunize your child, you put your child at risk. Your child could catch a disease that is dangerous or deadly. Getting vaccinated is much better than getting the disease.

Your pediatrician knows that you care about your child’s health and safety. That’s why you need to get all the scientific facts from a medical professional you can trust before making any decisions based on stories you may have seen or heard on TV, the Internet, or from other parents…

Vaccines work. They have kept children healthy and have saved millions of lives for more than 50 years. Most childhood vaccines are 90% to 99% effective in preventing disease…

Vaccines are safe. All vaccines must be tested by the Food and Drug Administration (FDA). The FDA will not let a vaccine be given unless it has been proven to be safe and to work well in children…

Vaccines are necessary… in many parts of the world many vaccine-preventable diseases are still common. Since diseases may be brought into the United States by Americans who travel abroad or from people visiting areas with current disease outbreaks it’s important that your children are vaccinated.”

Jan. 22, 2010 – American Academy of Pediatrics 

As you can see, both sides make good points. How can I know which side to choose? I can’t possible put myself through medical school just to know the truth.

What do you think?

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