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My Decision To Have A Natural Birth, Hypno Style.

4 Sep

In making the decision to have give birth to my second child naturally, I was met with more negativity than support. I assumed my family and friends would commend me for at least being brave enough to try, not to mention embracing my body’s natural ability instead of facing the inevitable D-day with fear and trying anything to run from the pain. But, most people either spat out some sarcastic remark, or deemed me crazy.

When this decision was first made, all I felt was the absolute desire to make myself do this. But as I dove deeper into it (like I do with anything I decide, I become obsessed), I realized how ridiculous us women are nowadays. I mean, our bodies were MADE to give birth. It knows what it’s doing. Yes, there are certain circumstances when things arise and medical intervention is needed. But, society has conditioned us to believe that every birth is a medical emergency and is in need of assistance. If you really think about birth these days, most women’s birth experiences are based on convenience. Convenience for them to not experience pain, convenience for the whole thing to get over and done with as soon as possible for the doctors and nurses to move onto the next patient. It’s just a “let’s get it over with” type of thing….just like everything else in this day and age. Instead of the assumption us women will be walking in there, giving birth the way God intended and coming out victorious, they assume we’ll get whatever drugs they recommend, be as easy and simple as we can, and get the hell out of there. You actually have to request to have a natural birth without them constantly trying to coax you into just getting the damn epidural. And anything more natural (delayed cord cutting, not receiving pitocin, self directed pushing, delivering placenta on your own without them tugging or injecting you with more pitocin, self hydrating, moving about while in labor), all come with having to talk them into it unless your medical staff happens to be kind and understanding. But it really depends on the hospital’s rules and regulations. All these things are better for you, your baby and your labor progression.

Honestly, women who opted for home births were nuts to me. When I had my first daughter I knew nothing about giving birth. I went in there, was given a drug by choice of my nurse to basically sedate me, then once I was aware of what was going on, I was getting an epidural. Everything that happened that night, just happened. Nothing by my asking. I was strapped down, poked with an IV, told I wasn’t in real labor, given unknown drugs, told when to push, told to allow my baby to receive certain vaccinations, told my baby had to be poked too many times in her poor little foot at multiple locations, so on and so forth. I didn’t know I had choices. I was young, naive, and an easy in and out for them.

With this pregnancy I am much more aware of my choices, what should and shouldn’t happen, risks, and the pure nonsense that goes on with the medical system trying to control EVERYTHING and EVERYONE that passes through. 

I know there are GOOD doctors and nurses who really do care for the patients and their choices for a special birth. This is in no way to be against anyone or everyone in the medical field. I understand they want to get in and out of there and that they have a lot of patients to care for, so they can’t give everyone exactly what they want. But, it is not right for us women to be bullied or afraid to state what we want for OUR births of OUR children. 

I’ve been doing a lot of research about how to properly write up a birth plan. And every site and/or article I’ve read on the subject, was mostly based on how to write it in a way to not “offend” the medical staff, or to not come off as “demanding” or “inflexible“. Frankly, that offends me!

Okay….I understand the need to be flexible because sometimes, things do go wrong and interventions are needed and your plan needs to be changed. I get it. You don’t know how things will play out. But the fact that I have to tip-toe around the medical staff to have the birth that I wish to have, is just plain ridiculous. Why not just try to give a women the experience she would like as long as she and baby are healthy? They even say not to get too in detail because it might not even get read! 

First of all, why in the world would you be a nurse or doctor if your patients are an inconvenience to you and you would just prefer to do things the fastest, easiest way even if it isn’t the best way?? If I chose to devote my life (plus tons of money on schooling) to be a doctor, especially one that gets to be involved in the most important moments of a person’s life, I would want to do what was best for my patients and try my best to attend to their wishes.

This is what opened my eyes to how smart home birthers really are. They don’t have to deal with random nurses being mean to them or trying to jump through hoops to just deliver their baby the way they choose. If I ever have another child, I will most definitely be having a home birth.

Okay….You get my point…too much ridiculousness.

So, yes, I have decided to give birth naturally, no drugs. Don’t even offer them. But, I’m not a complete idiot who thinks I can just walk in there and “handle” the pain cause I’m no whimp (I’m not a whimp…but I’m not stupid either). I’ve done a lot of research on giving birth and the best techniques to make things easier. When I first came across Hypnobirthing, I didn’t even want to look into it. I assumed it was something like a creepy creeperton standing over you with a pocket watch, sending you into a deep sleep. But then I saw the numerous incredible videos of women giving birth using Hypnobirthing techniques, without drugs, and having calm, happy birth experiences. I was shocked that they can be popping out babies with hardly a grunt. 

My idea of a natural birth was what I had always seen on TV or movies. You know, knees to your ears, screaming, purple faced pushing, threatening murder, etc. But these women were calm, controlled and happy. I thought, “What the hell is this!?“.

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More research….more and more research, and I am IN LOVE with the entire idea of Hypnobirthing. If you don’t know about Hypnobirthing, just read something about it. Their whole concept is about erasing the implanted fears we have of giving birth and replacing them with joy, excitement, relaxation and trust. Why have we stopped trusting our bodies to know what it’s doing? Giving birth is one of the most natural things are bodies do, and we are so afraid of it. 

 

In Hypnobirthing, you are taught to trust your body and it’s ability. To not fear giving birth and instead, embrace it. Not only that, but it teaches you a form of self hypnosis. Sounds creepy, I know. But really this is something most of us experience on a regular basis. Get sucked into a book or movie and lose track of time? Daydreaming and feel like you momentarily checked out of your life? What about that relaxing moment right before you fall asleep when your body is limp and you feel so comfortable? That is all the level of hypnosis it teaches you to put yourself into whenever you choose. 

The point of it? When you are completely relaxed your body is able to progress in birth quickly and comfortably. When we’re afraid and try to “handle” pain, we tense up. Our body goes into fight or flight mode. Instead of working with the birthing process, it slows it down and makes it MORE painful. Just in the talent of being able to relax ourselves on cue during birth can make everything smoother, stress-free, and even comfortable.

And I know what you’re thinking, because I thought about it too. Will I be totally checked out during my entire birth if I’m in hypnosis? No. Yeah, some people get so relaxed they fall asleep between contractions or what the Hypnobirthing scene calls “surges” or “waves“. But you are awake, and alert. There is even a type of self hypnosis called ‘eyes open hypnosis’. Which allows you to enter this mode of relaxation, all while being wide awake, walking around, even talking. I assume it would take quite a bit of practice, but why wouldn’t you want that ability? In Hypnobabies (a type/brand of hypnobirthing), they teach a self hypnosis anesthesia in which you use to feel no pain. Yes, sounds far fetched and not every woman is able to achieve it, but many have reported pain-free births. CRAZY! 

I’m not expecting a pain-free birth, but I can tell you I practice the Hypnobirthing relaxation techniques and listen to the “affirmations” (recorded positive suggestions for you to listen to while you’re in this relaxation, to sink into your subconscious, ridding your mind of fear and worry and filling it with confidence and joy), everyday! I’ve been practicing only a week and already feel so much more confident and welcoming of birth. Even if I don’t have a pain-free experience, I know just the breathing techniques and positivity will help get me through the toughest moments in giving birth to my baby. 

It’s not just for natural birth, either. It teaches you to welcome any turns your birth may take, calmly and confidently. Plus, it’s great for relaxing when you’re huge and pregnant and can’t sleep at night. 

Obviously, We’ll have to wait and see how things play out after I use this in giving birth. But I’m sure I’ll have only good things to report. 🙂 

By the way….31WEEKS AND 2 DAYS!!! Yep…59 days to go. WHOA.

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Did you have a natural birth? Did you use Hypnobirthing or any other birthing technique??

Click HERE to read awesome Hypnobirthing testimonials! Or HERE!

How to Be a Punk Rock Parent via WikiHow

1 Mar

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I came across this article while searching for Punk Rock substance to add to my blog, since my blog is called “Punk Rock” Mommy Seeking Jesus.

As I was reading these 7 Steps to being a Punk Rock parent, I can’t help but think, “Wow, these are great tips! Like they’re straight from my head!”. As a Punk Rock parent, I know that it is difficult to be taken seriously as a parent because of the way I dress or the music I listen to. Other people have looked at me like some stupid young single mother who got knocked up and couldn’t possibly know how to raise a child. But the truth is, I take parenting more seriously than anything else in my life. Yes, I still wear black, skulls, band t-shirts, etc. I still listen to Iggy Pop and The Misfits. But I also try my very best to be a rockin’ mommy too. I want to home school, I want to teach healthy eating habits, I’m a Christian, I’m kind, I want to help people, I want to teach my daughter to be a good person and do good things.

So when I found this article, I felt at home. I found myself saying, “Exactly!” and “Perfectly said!”. Here are the 7 Steps the I loved so dearly:

  1. Teach as many resourcefulness and DIY skills as you can to your kids. Try building a chicken coop or shed, living in a yurt or in the outdoors, capturing solar power for cooking and finding food and water by foraging, etc. Teaching them how to do things rather than how to buy things will be one of the most useful and thoughtful gifts of punk philosophy that you can pass on.

  • Grow a garden. If you lack the space, go guerrilla gardening or join a community garden. Teach your kids how growing their own food helps them to know where it comes from, what it contains and helps them to remain independent of the grid.
  • Teach independence in chores and responsibilities early on. Doing everything for your kids teaches them to feel entitled rather than capable. As soon as your child is old enough to do things on his or her own, encourage it. Show how to wash dishes and clothes, clean the house, mend clothing and all of the daily necessary things, then build expectations that your child will do his or her own chores from that point on.
  • Obsolescence-proof your kids. As far as you’re able, teach kids how to life hack everything from the motherboard to the vacuum cleaner. Being able to fix things that break, to re-engineer things that get overtaken by technology and to make completely new things from scratch will give your kids a sense of strength in an ever-changing world.

2.  Be conscious that your kids and teens may not experience rebellious moments, especially if you’re a permissive and tolerant type. In fact, they might even goad you into telling them off once in a while, just to see if you care enough to set limits. That’s okay––set a few simple ones and always be there for them when they need you.

3.  Calm the anarchy. While anarchy may reign supreme in the credo of a punk, anarchy in the household is rather less helpful. Having systems in place to remain organized, from cleaning clothes and bed linen to preparing the kids’ lunches is essential for keeping on top of everything that child raising entails. If you haven’t already discovered this, cease your resistance to household systems, for these will restore calm and precious time in your life, freeing you up to pursue more exciting things that you love, like punk rock.

4.  Don’t force punk rock on your kids. Don’t be bothered when your kids tell you it’s weird music and they’d rather not hear it, or they prefer Justin Bieber. And even though you may recall the time your best friend had his teeth kicked in during this great Black Flag song, be ready for your teen to think it blows. Your kids are individuals with their own taste. It may take time to win them over unless you’ve had punk rock blaring in the background since their birth. In turn, be ready to appreciate their music taste too, without your sarcastic commentary!

  • Find out if any of your kids’ favorite bands were inspired by one of your former punk bands. As with most musical cycling, many of the emerging bands (both non-punk and punk) today have been inspired by a punk band from the past. If you discover this, it’s a great way to point out how your kid’s favorite band was inspired by one of your favorite bands.

5.  Use your punk roots to teach your children valuable lessons about not judging people too quickly. While instilling the ever essential need to beware any possible stranger danger, teach your children ways to balance their initial gut reactions with a willingness to get to know a person properly. Some of the punk-based lessons you might be able to share with your kids include:

  • Show them how creative people of all types like to push the appearance of boundaries for specific reasons that have nothing to do with fear or spite. Sometimes it’s about challenging the less tolerant elements in society; other times it’s about self-expression and being open to all the possibilities by keeping an open mind. In some cases, it’s a deliberate poke at societal ideas of beauty, while in many cases it’s simply about having fun and doing things differently.
  • Explore difference with your children, using your punk experience. Explain that punks have often frightened others by their appearance alone, with their piercings, tattoos, ripped clothing and brightly colored spiked hair. Explain how some people choose to interpret this as “bad” or “deviant”. This can then lead you into a discussion about why people might be frightened by mere appearance (for older children, you can also explore the implications of the philosophies held by punks). For many punks, looking distinct is a story of creativity, boundary-pushing and challenging assumptions. And you might like to highlight how challenging conformity through appearance, actions and words can often cause fearful or uncertain people to feel threatened because they might either be upset that others have the pluck to self-express while they’ve spent their whole lives conforming or they may be jealous or fearful of what would happen if things changed too much from what they know.
  • Don’t sugarcoat everything. Punk culture has its dark side too, and that is something that can be explored with older children, with appropriate lessons for cultivating greater care and thoughtfulness toward others and oneself.

6.  Wear your punk self in ways that fit your current lifestyle and parenting role. While the green hair and black nail polish may have been “very you” in the nineteen eighties, the reality is that trying to relive the past by way of clothing, makeup and hairstyles is often a self-defeating action. Rather than clinging on to the past, find ways to look punk that fit your age and lifestyle now––there are plenty of cool quirks you can get away with that flatter your age and still denote a lack of conformity to the expected. For example, not wearing a tie, wearing brightly colored shirts, dying your hair in interestingly creative ways rather than dramatic ones and wearing cool shoes made by a local craftsperson are just some possible ways to punk up your gear without letting yourself down.

  • Be aware that parents can embarrass their kids easily by how they dress. However, if you’ve done a good job of teaching them tolerance and acceptance, this will hopefully be less of an issue. If you still wear a mohawk at 50, give your kids a chance to express their feelings and be open to discussing the reasons for your choice. Ultimately, while it’s important to give consideration to how your kids might feel about your outward punk expression, this is another lesson for them in being understanding and accepting.
  • Be careful to avoid wearing anything that could harm a child. Accidentally knocking your baby with a stud wristband while wrestling with the diapers on the change table is not a good outcome.

7.  Come to peace with some of the nasty necessities of life, or find viable alternatives. Grown-up realities like mortgages and daily work can either be something you groan about or you reach acceptance about. Acceptance doesn’t mean giving up––it means finding ways to make your current reality less onerous, more cheerful and one that works best for you. And if you can’t reach acceptance, find an alternative like freelancing, renting, living off-the-grid, etc., while still making sure that your kids are getting a decent, healthy upbringing. Whatever you choose, help your children to see that life has meaningful purpose.

  • Parents who keep trying to “stick-it-to-the-man” risk teaching children more about anger and staying stuck than about being free unless you action your words and be that entrepreneur, business owner or free spirit you’d prefer to be. Show your children more personally satisfying ways to live than complaining and running away.

EXTRA TIPS:

  • Be a guide rather than a rebel. Rebelliousness is a luxury for the young. For those filled with energy and an honest, all-seeing perspective of what the former generations have done or become entrapped by, rebelliousness is almost essential. However, being rebellious is something that tends to mellow with experience, forming into something more constructive without losing that sense of self– and world-awareness. In fact, think of aging as becoming “more Zen”; you still see societal challenges but you also wield more calm and peace in how you approach and deal with them. In swapping rebel-self for parent-guide-self, you can help steer your children through their rebellious or fairness-seeking phases of life so that they can learn from your experience rather than be cast adrift. And they can learn from you that it’s okay to challenge what doesn’t work and to ask questions about what needs to be improved in society.
  • Drag out the old photos to show your kids what you used to look like. They may see you in an entirely new light and it will remind you of who you were and the journey you took to arrive at the person you are today.
  • Use your experiences to help guide your children in life. You may have experienced or done some pretty dark and/or dangerous things in your teens and during early adulthood. You know better, which allows you to act as a cautionary tale to your kids. Tell them stories and give them examples to help them make better choices.
  • Take your kids to punk shows if they’re old enough. Experience punk with them, first hand.
  • Use gratitude to balance out some of the bleaker perspectives in punk philosophy. Being grateful for what you have in your life, such as your children, can help you to awaken to the reality that little pieces of the utopia you once sought have actually fallen into place, even if the bigger picture remains sour. Look for those little wonders, amazing moments and genuine connections that make all the difference in our lives and focus on them most. Freedom doesn’t simply appear from lusting after an impossible ideal––freedom comes from within you, from a willingness to make the most of what is good around you.

WARNINGS:

  • Destructive behavior is definitely not punk. While you may have gotten away with dangerous and sometimes illegal activity in your youth, as a parent this sort of behavior is not only irresponsible, but teaches your children habits that aren’t conducive to living a resilient and healthy future–-remember that the apple doesn’t fall far from the tree when it comes to role modeling. Moreover, continued bad behavior can lead to loss of your children. Put being a parent before all else, making your children’s safety and well-being a top priority. The moment you had your children is the moment you chose responsibility, however unconsciously, to ensure that these precious beings reached their full potential. Live up to it.
  • If you can’t move on from hurts in your own past, seek therapy to help you move beyond destructive behaviors. You and your children deserve this much.

I especially cringed at #4. But these are all amazing tips. Go to the full article to read the rest!

It was really nice to find an article for parents like myself. It’s not often I feel an equal part of the parent community. But this article certainly made me feel like it.

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