Is It Too Much To Ask?/Update

19 Aug

29 weeks and 1 day. 75 days to go. 11 weeks left. Whoa.

It’s gone by so quickly. In my stressful first trimester, and stress-free second trimester, all I wanted was to enjoy this pregnancy without wishing it away so quickly. Now, it’s a different story.

I forgot how trying the third trimester is, especially during summer. It really is true when they say “The honeymoon phase is over”. Between my sleepless nights, severe lack of energy, constant irritability, and sweating my ass (and boobs) off, I just want to have this baby and NOT be pregnant. 

The stress is back and consuming as ever. After being exhausted all day, the second I lay my head down to sleep, the constant thoughts arise. You know, the “I’m 23 and what have I really done with my life?” or “I should probably roll over in my mind all the things that could go wrong during labor, or all the bad things that can ever happen to my kids, or all the things I need to do, or how stressed I am about visiting my biological father after not seeing him for 11 years, or if I can’t get everything done in time for Rayne’s 3rd birthday THIS WEEKEND, or the fact that she’s growing up so fast and it makes me sad because one day my girls will be 16 and most likely hate my guts, or, hey, what if I never get a real career and just continue sucking at life forever????”. Then there is the restless leg syndrom making falling asleep amazingly difficult. Oh, don’t forget the nightly dreams of having my baby and completely forgetting how to care for a baby at all. 

Then there is just the day to day struggle of being alive. I have no energy to clean and do chores and play with my toddler. I hardly do yoga anymore, besides a few stretches here and there to help relieve leg cramps. I do continue to walk, but hardly make it a whole hour due to my aching feet and back, the cramping under the weight of my belly and the fact that I usually have to pee. 

Everyday is a struggle. And the weight of it all (physically, emotionally and mentally) makes it very difficult to even attempt a good mood.

All I want is a healthy baby, a happy toddler, relaxation, and a peace of mind. Is that too much to ask?

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